I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
