capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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