My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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