i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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