I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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