I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
