and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
