after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
