Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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