im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
