i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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