I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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