She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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