Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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