Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
