Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
