The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
