my mouth tastes like poor choices
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
