Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
