break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
