it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
