whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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