Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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