Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
