mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
