If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
