im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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