Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
