he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
