dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
