Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
