I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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