eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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