either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
