im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
