cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your cock deserves a montage
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
