That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
