I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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