i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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