there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize