when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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