We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My liver just had a heart attack.
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I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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