I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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