I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
