We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
