Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
