It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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