I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
