hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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