She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
