Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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