thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
