first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
