I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
