so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
