OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
