I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
