We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
