worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
