we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
