She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
