to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
