We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize