There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
