The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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