I just threw up on my dentist
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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