I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Boobs are out for the taking
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
