I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
