The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
