I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
