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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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