We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
