Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
