My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
