I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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