Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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